Entry Number One - the beginning of the Journey

This is the beginning of my blog journey! I am going to start with my journey into learning to live by faith. I am not saying that I am good at it - but I am learning to live by faith each and everyday. 

Well the journey into faith started on August 25, 1988 - it was my 19th birthday - it was not the day I became a believer - but it was the day that I began the journey to learning to live by faith. I would like to say that I learned that day that faith was the way to live, but it was not. It was actually the day that I started to see that living by my plan was not the way to live. 

So, as I said it was my 19th birthday, and I got the shock of my life. I found out I was pregnant. Now, my advice to you is to never take a pregnancy test on your birthday - let me repeat that never take a pregnancy test on your birthday. Whether you want to be pregnant or not. You are not guaranteed that it will turn out the way that you want - and you will never be able to forget the results (because it is your birthday). Well, anyway I made the mistake to take a pregnancy test on my birthday. I was certain that I was not pregnant, but I had missed my period and I just wanted to make sure. Well, I made sure all right. The stick turned blue the second I peed on it. There was no mistaking it I was pregnant. Okay, it would not have been such a shock if I had been with anyone in the last month - but I had not. My boyfriend and I had broken up at the beginning of June and I had not been with anyone else. You would have thought that I would have missed my period in July - but no such luck. So I was pretty far along. I did not know that then, of course. Well, it gets better. I went to the doctor, got confirmation and made a couple of phone calls. I called my mom - now that was something she was not expecting to hear on my 19th birthday. I then called DJ, my ex-boyfriend. He did not believe that I was pregnant - he thought it was a ploy to get back together. Well there was no ploy - and I was feeling like I was all alone. 

Now, I was a believer at the time. I knew that Jesus was my savior and that I was forgiven - but I had been living far away for a little while. I still prayed regularly and went to church, but I did not rely on Him to help me through the tough times, or the easy ones for that matter. And this was going to be a tough time. I started to make a plan. I also listened to my mother for counsel. Well, the counsel was to have an abortion. Have you ever wondered if you were capable of doing something that you never thought you would be capable of doing? Well, I found out in those moments that I was capable of almost anything. Anyway, on August 27, 1988 the decision was made. My mother drove me to the clinic and we signed up for an abortion. I went in thinking that I was only going to do it if I was more than ten weeks pregnant. The reason for that is because I had been in a car accident at the beginning of July. I had a series of x-rays without any protection because there was no way (in my mind) that I could be pregnant. 

Okay, let's back up for a second. I was concerned because I have an aunt with cerebral palsy and one of the things that I remember being told was that my grandmother had a series of x-rays early in her pregnancy that they consider part of the contributing factors to her disease. (No justification - but what I had in my mind anyway). 

Anyway, when they did the ultrasound to see how far along I was - I was 11 1/2 weeks pregnant. Almost too far along to do the one day procedure. It was a grueling decision - but one that I felt I had to make - so I went forward with the abortion. Something I was certain I was never capable of doing. 

On a side note, let me tell you about what I do know. Satan has a funny way of taking your biggest fears and turning them into justification for hard decisions. I never thought I was capable of having an abortion - and I am sure that is part of the reason that DJ did not believe me about the pregnancy. He was certain that I was not capable of having an abortion and when he heard that I had chosen that route, he ultimately believed it was not possible and I had been trying a get back together ploy. 

I will continue the rest of the story tomorrow or the next day! The story continues - and God has a way of taking things that we do that we think are unforgivable and  turn them into blessings we could never imagine.